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Boundaries - Why Theyre Needed Imagine a child who lacks ownership of his own life, has noself-control, and lacks respect for others. If these were the qualities ofyour son, how would you feel for his future wives? Yes, wives is plural, this is one major reason we need to set boundariesfor our children their future. One study showed that children bornrecently on average will have more spouses than kids. Here are a fewexamples of children who lack boundaries: 1. Little Johnny walks right into his parent's bedroom whenever he wants.It does not matter if the door was open or closed.2. Twelve year-old Steve frequently changes the channel on the television.It does not matter if anyone was watching a show or not.3. Susie blames others for her mistakes. It always seems to be herteacher's fault, brother's fault, or a friend's fault when something doesnot go right.4. Marie is uncomfortable with how her boyfriend treats her and pressuresher for sex. She keeps dating him because she questions who else would wantto date her.Without boundaries children will have problems in relationships, school, andlife. Many times addictive behavior can be traced to lack of boundaries.Here are a few results that can occur:1. Children can have controlling behavior2. Children can be motivated by guilt or anger.3. Without firm boundaries children are more likely to follow their peergroup. For example, making unwise choices on sex, drinking, or driving.4. Children do not own their own behavior or consequences, which can lead toa life of turmoil.5. Children may allow others to think for them.6. They may allow someone else to define what his or her abilities will be.This denies their maximum potential.7. When someone has weak boundaries they pick up other's feelings.8. Weak boundaries may make it hard to tell where we end and another personbegins. What is a parent to do? Many times we hinder our children from developingboundaries. Realize we must teach our children boundaries; they are notborn with them. Here are a few suggestions to help develop boundaries.1. Recognize and respect the child's boundaries. For example, knock ontheir closed bedroom door instead of just walking in.2. Set our own boundaries and have consequences for crossing them.3. Avoid controlling the child.4. Give two choices; this helps our children learn decision-making skills.5. When you recognize that boundaries need to be set. Do it clearly, do itwithout anger, and use as few words as possible.6. We need to say what hurts us and what feels good.7. It may be difficult to set a boundary. You may feel afraid, ashamed, ornervous, that's okay, do it any ways.Another way to work with boundaries and children is to model these for ourchildren.1. Recognize your physical boundaries.2. You have the right to request proper treatment, for example, poorlyprepared meals in a restaurant should be sent back, ask others to smoke awayfrom your space, and ask that loud music be turned down.3. Share your opinions with your children. Allow your children theiropinions. Opinions are not right or wrong. This will help them think forthemselves. 4. Teach them how you decide on the choices you make.5. Lets own what we do and what we don't do. Take responsibility for whenthings go wrong.6. Accept your thoughts, it is who you are.7. Discover what your limits are, emotional and physical.Setting boundaries is all about taking care of ourselves. This is the firstguideline we teach in our workshops. Other benefits include:1. We will learn to value, trust, and listen to ourselves.2. Boundaries are also the key to having a loving relationship.3. Boundaries will help us with our personal growth.4. We will learn to listen to ourselves (trusting our intuition). We also will learn to respect and care for others and ourselves.5. Boundaries will aid us in the workplace.Boundaries are all about freedom and recognizing when these freedoms have been crossed. Boundaries give us a framework in which to negotiate life events. Recognizing and acting when our boundaries have been crossed will protect our freedom. Boundaries lead to winning relationships for bothparties. By building foundations based on mutual trust, love, and respect we can expect our children to grow up more tolerant and with a mature character. Simply put, boundaries simplify life. 
What About Competition? Are Your Kids Ready? Life is full of competition -- even in childhood. Kids compete for good grades, the attention of their parents and teachers, and even to get picked for 'the right team' in gym class. There's nothing wrong with encouraging healthy competition in your children. It can teach kids to perform at their best while encouraging teamwork and fostering a strong work ethic. Competition can teach valuable lessons about discipline, preparation and sportsmanship. Best of all, it can help to prepare them for other challenges they will face in life. The Neurology of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Part One What is Happening in the brain of children, teens, and adults with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder? Remember The Generation Gap? The techniques of managing relationships between parents and their children is as old as.. well, parents having children. It's not an easy job, either for the parent or the child. But, the key to any relationship inside or outside the family is the ability to relate; to have an empathy that allows us a slightly special way in which we can communicate with one another in order to understand, and to be understood. We make friends because of the similarities we may have in certain areas and we sometimes can build lifelong relationships on that basis. But, having children means we do not have a choice to make that relationship as we might have in meeting a perfect stranger. It's a relationship forced upon us, albeit willingly in most cases. We as parents accept that as part of parenting. After all, as parents we have the opportunity to influence the development of our children to be just like us.. thus creating those similarities that enhance a lifelong relationship. Now, note that I used the word 'opportunity' in that sentence. I think as parents we all realize that in spite of what we do to manipulate their young lives our children will turn out as individuals just as we did with our parents. And that could very well mean that the relationship you have with your child is not based on similarities but more of accepting the respective family roles of parent and child. Using Diet, Counseling, and Attend to Overcome ADHD When it comes to the treatment of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder or with problems of Attention, Impulse Control, Over-Activity, or Learning Problems in "the real world," there are a number of approaches to treatment that may work well. The Laid Back Parents Guide to Teaching Your Child to Read At first I thought of titling this article "The Lazy Parent's Guide" but then I realized that most parents aren't lazy, but they may have a slightly different philosophy about children and learning. School Issues: When Should an ADHD Child Be Held Back In School? This can be a very complicated issue, so I don't mean to suggest that my comments here are the definitive thoughts on the subject. For a parent to even consider the issue, things have to be pretty problematic at school. So, even though these thoughts may be inadequate to cover your individual situation, I will share them with you anyway... Taking Home Souvenirs, Not Junk Gift shops are a kid magnet and often a trip highlight! Do you cringe at the sight inexpensive trinkets and novelty items that will be lost or broken in the span of hours? Plan your souvenir strategy early and help your child assemble a collection that is unique and will last for years to come, preserving the memories of your travels together. First, come up with a theme. What type of souvenir is fairly common at most tourist locations and has the makings for a great collection? If you set your child on a treasure hunt for specific souvenirs with some sort of common ground, they will be able to tell a story or make an easily displayed collection. We've collected embroidered patches from the places we've visited with our child and sewn them onto a backpack he takes along on trips, adapting the idea from old suitcases with stickers from exotic locations. Here are some more ideas for starting your child's souvenir collection: Postcards. Have your child write himself a note and mail it back home. You can assemble it like a diary when you return from your travels. Key Chains. They can be collected and put on backpacks or hung on a strip hanging from the wall. Magnets. You can put them on the refrigerator at home or make a magnetic board to display the collection in your child's bedroom. Snowglobes or Music Boxes featuring scenes from your travel location. Crazy sunglasses or hats. They could be relevant to your travel destination or just wacky. Holiday ornaments. Each holiday, you can recount stories about travels with your children and have a great starter set of special ornaments when your child is grown so he can share his travel memories with his children. Parenting Your Teenager: 6 Tips for Effective Discipline and Consequences A parent writes in, ``We are having a hard time in our family deciding on appropriate punishments when our teen-ager breaks family rules. We can't tell if we are too strict or too lenient. What can we do?'' Committed Parenting When you think about it, probably the one thing that our children need most in order to grow up feeling loved, happy, and empowered enough to give of themselves to others is our commitment to them as parents. Our children must know that we have made a commitment to them and we must demonstrate that commitment constantly. When we decide to have a child we take on this commitment. It is the biggest commitment we will ever make. When one of our children is diagnosed with diabetes the commitment, significant enough to begin with, takes on a completely new and demanding aspect. We as parents are responsible for and to our children. We tie ourselves to them, sometimes at considerable cost to ourselves. We are required many times to put our children's needs before our own. Are You Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child? Although many parents are concerned with our children's intelligence quotient (IQ), research shows that a child's emotional quotient (EQ) is just as important for that child's personal success. So what is Emotional Intelligence? Emotional quotient is your child's ability to feel, while intelligence quotient is your child's ability to think. Although the term was coined in 1990 by psychologists Peter Salovey and John Mayer, the person responsible for bringing more awareness to emotional intelligence is a science writer Daniel Goleman. How to Silence Your Childs Inner Critic Children do what feels good to them and follow their natural instincts. Well meaning parents teach children that it is not socially acceptable to behave in certain ways, thus going against a child's natural inclinations. Children internalize the voices from their parents, teachers and other adults in their lives and start to criticize themselves. Although parents are being helpful, this often contributes to the birth of the inner critic. 10 Reasons Why You Need to Ditch the Super Mom Syndrome For any of you Moms out there that are doing it all, attempting to gain Super Mom status, let me give you my own personal opinion?It's not worth it!!! The pursuit of the Super Mom is an endless search that will be of great cost to you in the end. Here are 10 reasons why you need to put an immediate halt to this pursuit. # 1-There is no such thing as a Mom who can do everything perfect because as far as I am concerned, perfection comes at a very high price. Seemingly perfect to other people, is often not the way things really are for the perfectionist. #2-The Super Mom Syndrome is literally killing women. Stress related diseases are on the rise and the demands that women place on themselves today directly contribute to the stress in their life. This stress is often all consuming. #3-There are far too many roles in our life today. Trying to keep up with the different hats we wear on a daily basis is sometimes impossible. Feeling the need to be perfect in them all is exhausting. #4- Our children miss out on some precious experiences with us that they can't get back. We are frequently so wrapped up in our to-do list that we forget to put the really important things on the list at all. #5-It's exhausting!!! Having to do everything that you feel society expects of you, as a mother is overwhelming. #6-It's no fun. How much fun has anyone really had attempting to do everything perfect??? #7- Your friends will like you more when you can laugh at your imperfections along with theirs. #8-Your quality of life will immediately improve. When you make the decision to give yourself a break and do your own personal best instead of 100% perfect, a huge weight is lifted off your shoulders. Anxiety and depression can be an end result of unrealistic standards that you consistently place on yourself. #9-The Super Mom never enjoys the moment. She is always multitasking and thinking of what needs to be done next. Life will pass you by before you know it. #10-Continuing to admire women who can do it all will continue to place unrealistic demands on mothers to do it all. Let's start to admire the mothers who take time to nurture themselves. Let's admire the women who can enjoy the time with the kids at the playground and be really present when they are reading to their children. Let's toast the Moms who admit they can't do it all, all the time. Let's congratulate women on their honesty and ability to ask for help. Let's start to celebrate our imperfections instead of beating ourselves up over them. Let's stop judging each other and offer support instead. We are not perfect creatures nor were we meant to be. So why are we trying to be??? Wouldn't Motherhood be a lot more fun if it didn't have to be perfect? If you want to start taking better care of yourself as a mother and a woman, you can pick up your copy of YumMe MumMe Makeover- How to Balance Womanhood and Motherhood by Nurturing the Me in MumMe. It is full of tips and advice on how to bring more fun, balance and happiness in to your life. It is available on my web site at http://www.seekingbalance.ca Gifts From The Heart: Moms Remember... To the untrained eye, it might look like a piece of bubble gum stuck to a safety pin; a pink chewed mass mistakenly rescued from the trash years before. However, to its owner, this cherished keepsake is a bejeweled treasure-still worn with extreme pride. For you see, this is more than it appears. It was made with love, given with delight, and received with a grateful heart-a gift from a young son on Mother's Day. Parenting Your Teenager: How to Say NO! Q: Whenever we tell my daughter "no," she just bugs and pesters until we give in. I know it's wrong to give in, but she makes things so unpleasant that we give in just to make peace. How can we turn this situation around? Summer Marks the Time to Remember Active Supervision Around Family Swimming Pools LOS ANGELES (May 19, 2005) - With Memorial Day weekend, and summer fast approaching, EMS, first responders, and water safety advocates, are bracing for the unthinkable ? the unfortunate drowning accidents in backyard swimming pools that annually claim the lives of nearly 500 children under the age of five, and an estimated 2,800 "near-drowning" incidents.1 Difference There are times when my ideas of raising a child is different from the elderly and others. To begin with, my baby is not an easy one. Because we're all different and have contrasting ideas about raising their own children, we should expect contradiction...especially if we have to depend on others to help take care of our children while we're away at work. How Being a Mom Makes You a Better Professional "Becoming a parent can make you a better worker," New York Times writer Lisa Belkins said in a recent column. Child Abuse - Survey & Comments Beyond cases reported to authorities, little knowledge exists on the types, amount, and effects of childhood victimization. Through a national survey of adolescents, researchers examined the prevalence of sexual assault, physical assault, physically abusive punishment, and witnessing an act of violence and subsequent effects on mental health, substance use, and delinquent behavior problems. Gender and racial/ethnic specific findings are translated into national estimates. Being A Mum - It?s About Them And Not About You! So you want to be a mum? Every time you see a little baby in a mother's arms you desire it even more. I am going to ask some hard questions here for those who want to be mums: Why do you want to be a mum? Is it because it will be fun? Is it because you can show your motherhood to others? Is it because you want to keep your partner?
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